What is one thing you’ve learned this year?
I learned that it’s never too late for therapy.
In 2012 I returned to therapy, after a five-year hiatus, which was good for my mind, body and spirit.
As I shared in my New Year’s Eve Rewind 2012 post on my blog, my therapist introduced me to the idea of “missed potential” and how that seems to be a common thread tying together some of what I had been struggling with related to the deaths of an old and very dear friend and one of my cousins last year, as well as continuing to mourn the loss of our baby girl Molly in 2008 and others who have left this world too soon.
I seem to get caught up at times wondering about the “what ifs” and “what could have been.” I realize that this is a normal and healthy reaction to grief and loss, but my therapist also helped me to see how a lot of the things that I “beat myself up over” are not such a big deal, as long as I try not to dwell in thinking about them for too long at any given time.
My therapist also worked with me on “checking my baggage,” especially when it comes to parenting, as I have a tendency to worry about our children dealing with certain kinds of people and experiences, based on the challenges that I dealt with in my life and friendships when I was their age.
There were many more takeaways from my experience with therapy in 2012. Another came when I was struggling with procrastinating and not always using my time most effectively as a stay a home mom. My therapist suggested that I schedule my day the way I did when I was working in the professional world, before having children. She said that it might help me to look at my day and the tasks I intend to accomplish the way I would a “to do list” and meetings in an office setting. I really like that idea, but, if I am being honest, I never actually tried to implement it. However, just as I believe it is never too late for therapy, I also think it is never too late to make positive changes in our lives.
As I will share in my post here next week about New Year’s resolutions, 2012 was not my best year when it came to making good on them. But I am trying not to be too hard on myself, knowing that I want and intend to do better in 2013.
What is one thing you’ve learned this year?
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Kathy Benson is a bereaved and blessed mom, writer and group fitness instructor trying to live mindfully and find joy in the journey after dealing with secondary infertility and loss for five years. She lives in Chicago, Illinois with her husband and two living children.
Kathy blogs at Bereaved and Blessed. You can also follow Kathy on Twitter @BereavedBlessed and her Facebook page.
Oh boy, I really related to the “checking the baggage”. Too many times I have found myself trying to have my boys avoid a situation that they are fine with but makes me uncomfortable. Their self-esteem is way better than mine was at 13. Also, I learned a hard lesson at the end of the year, well, re-learned, not everyone is a “safe” person and I painfully realized I still need to protect my heart and be cautious of who I let in. That lesson has made me very sad.
proud of you kathy, and grateful for your honesty. Thank you for sharing such truth.
Yes! Never too late. ‘What ifs’ are a huge hurdle for me as well. I’m proud of you, Kathy!
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