Week Forty-two: Brian B. Baker

BBaker

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?

When I was 23 I had a fight with my dad and he kicked me out of the house he lived in with my step-mom and her two kids. There were many reasons for them kicking me out among them were my grades in college and them not treating me like I was 23.

After I left and found my way to Las Vegas with my sister and her family, my future wife followed me to Vegas a month later.

My dad and I didn’t talk for ten years until I saw him at my nephew’s high school graduation, we were doing well until I felt I’d been wronged by something he did to me and my family and wrote a blog post about it, never do that.

After that we started talking for a few months last year until I realized I’d changed and he hadn’t.

My dad was very controlling and wanted things his way when I was a kid and an adult. This controlling is what pushed me away more than anything.

I felt that my life should be under my control and I shouldn’t jump when he offers me something, there would always be conditions or attachments to it.

In the mostly fifteen years we’ve been apart I’ve had two kids, got married and embarked on the life of a writer, none of which he’s really been there to see, he’s never met my daughter and my son only twice.

Now that I’ve had a few years to realize who I am and what I want for me in my life, and not what he wants me to be I realized everything I’d done as a child and adult was to make him proud, but he’ll never be proud of me.

This realization struck me hard and when I realized who I was and what I wanted from my life I knew I didn’t need him in my life anymore.

My life is under my control and he’s not in it, which is sad but I’ve become a stronger man and more determined about my life and want my kids to be who they want to be, not force them into roles that society says they have to be.

I love my dad, don’t get me wrong, but I’m okay with him being out of my life, more for the way I used to be afraid around him and had to watch what I say. But I don’t want my kids to see me like that, and because of that I’m glad they kicked me out of the house, without it I wouldn’t be who I am now.

____________________

Brian B. Baker is an unpublished writer of Science Fiction/Fantasy and Horror. He’s been writing short stories since high school, and is certain it’s one of the few things that keeps him sane. Brian blogs at  The Bleeding Inkwell.

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