About a year ago I had one of those “a-ha moments.” I was reflecting on what, if any, good has come from our journey through secondary infertility and loss.
I have shared on my blog in the past that I believe that our first pregnancy loss (an early miscarriage that we experienced in December 2004) brought me to realize the value of and importance in exercising regularly. Initially working out was therapeutic for me as I grieved and processed our first miscarriage. However, eventually I grew to appreciate how prioritizing exercise made me feel, regardless of if I was dealing with difficult and uncertain times in my life. I know now that no matter what happens in my life going forward, that I will always make time for running, yoga and/or participating in group fitness classes for the good of my mind, body and spirit.
My “a-ha moment” came in November 2011, when I was thinking about what other good things have come from our subsequent losses and our experience with secondary infertility. It was then that I realized, surprisingly for the first time, that our journey brought me to writing.
I have my babies who are not here with me to thank for driving and inspiring me to write.
How did I not think about or realize that before?!
That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give up writing to have any one of our babies back and living here with us on Earth. However, I get that is not possible and finding some meaning and consolation in how their short lives helped lead me to a greater love and appreciation for writing (both my own and others’) is a huge breakthrough for me.
Along the same lines, awhile back my mom was talking with a close friend of hers, who is a retired journalism professor from Northwestern University. Both my mom and her friend have read my blog over the years. During their conversation my mom asked her friend what she thought about me writing a book and/or “becoming” a writer someday… Her friend’s answer surprised my mom, but also made perfect sense to her. Her friend replied, in regards to whether she thought I might become a writer someday, “she already is!”
When my mom relayed their conversation to me, I found it very validating. As it helped me to know at the time, and to this day, that there are many levels of success when it comes to being a writer. Being published is an incredible accomplishment, but achieving that is not the only way to make an impact in the lives of others through our written words.
Though I’d love to have something I have written published someday, I realize what I do now is still relevant and important for me and others.
This post originally appeared on my blog in November 2011.
Tell me about one of your a-ha moments.
Kathy Benson is a bereaved and blessed mom, writer and group fitness instructor trying to live mindfully and find joy in the journey after dealing with secondary infertility and loss for five years. She lives in Chicago, Illinois with her husband and two living children.