Week Twenty: Kathy Benson


If you were going to write a book, what would it be about?

I am writing a book.

It is a memoir about my journey through secondary infertility and loss.

How’s that for honesty?

I used to think I was *supposed* to keep information like that secret. But after months of working on my manuscript I realize how difficult it is for anyone to actually follow through on a dream like this. So I am not so worried anymore that someone will “steal” my idea or try beat me to the punch of getting a book on this topic published, just because I wrote about what I am working on here.

I really believe that there is a need for more books about the experience of secondary infertility. I hope and intend to work hard to try to get mine published the traditional way. However, when the time comes if I am not able to get an agent and/or a contract with a publisher, I haven’t ruled out self-publishing.

As I have shared on my blog, I no longer believe that “everything happens for a reason,” but I do believe that we can make the most of what life throws our way. When I think about the good that has come from dealing with secondary infertility and loss for over five years, I always come back to having been able to help others who have also struggled to build their families.

In September 2006, when I hit my secondary infertility “bottom” I was surprised not to find more books and other resources available for those in the trenches trying to have another child without success. Likewise, after we got the diagnosis and prognosis for our baby girl Molly in January 2008, I was disappointed to learn that there were few, if any, resources available to help us through our pregnancy and eventually life after her death.

I am pleased to know that almost five years since we found out about our Molly’s condition, there are a lot more books and resources for those dealing with prenatal diagnosis that are incompatible with life and/or have lost a child to miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death. I even contributed part of our story with Molly to an awesome book that was published last year call A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Babys Life is Expected to be Brief by Amy Kuebelbeck and Dr. Deborah L. Davis, who also wrote Waiting with Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby’s Brief Life and Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby respectively.

However, the last I checked, which I do periodically, there has not been a comprehensive book published about the experience of secondary infertility in awhile and the little that is out there, doesn’t seem to me to fit the bill for what I was looking for back then and what I believe many who are in the trenches now would find helpful and comforting as they try to expand their families.

I am not in a big hurry to finish my manuscript (which I have chosen to do before I would begin querying, realizing that down the road I might have to make more changes by doing it this way) and book proposal. As a stay at home mom who has finally resolved my journey through secondary infertility and loss, with two healthy children my husband and I are raising at home, it is important to me to balance the time I spend writing with caring for our nine-year old son and three-year old daughter.

I realize that every little bit helps and try to find even just fifteen minutes a day to work on my book. In a short amount of time I have seen how that can add up and look forward to seeing where writing consistently will take my idea/book and me in the future.

If you were going to write a book, what would it be about?


Kathy Benson is a bereaved and blessed mom, writer and group fitness instructor trying to live mindfully and find joy in the journey after dealing with secondary infertility and loss for five years. She lives in Chicago, Illinois with her husband and two living children.

Kathy blogs at Bereaved and Blessed. You can also follow Kathy on Twitter @BereavedBlessed and her Facebook page.



15 thoughts on “Week Twenty: Kathy Benson

    • Thank you Mel! I do know that and your support means so much to me. I look forward to getting to that next step where you help me to breath life into it. xoxo

  1. You are so inspiring to me! And give me a promise of hope as well. My book would be about the story of our Madeline and book two would be the Life of Johnny and my adventures in autism. I like that 15 minutes a day approach:)

    • Thank you so much Amy! I am so glad and would love to read both of those books about your experience with your children. 15 minutes a day does really work. 🙂

  2. Great post Kathy. When my wife and I were having fertility issues that was one of our problems. There just aren’t enough books out on the subject. Or on the subject of miscarriage and how to deal with it. I noticed that as a dad there were no books on how to deal with a miscarriage as a dad/husband.

    • Thanks Brian! I do think now there are a good number of books about infertility and general, but not so much the unique challenges that go along with secondary infertility. I too wish there were more books for/by men. I did read one last year called Swimming in Circles: A Baby Chase Odyssey by Michael C. Barr, which was pretty good and I am pretty sure there are one or two more, but they may not have been out there during your experience. Maybe you could write one?! 🙂 .

  3. Your voice is a gift … and I am so glad that you have decided to use it this way. I love the way you say this: “I am writing a book.” Decisive. You’re DOING it. It’s not just a goal … it’s a REALITY. Bravo, my amazing friend!

    Still trying to figure out what my voice needs to contribute …

  4. Pingback: Thursday’s Voice: November

  5. Pingback: Week Twenty-three: Kathy Benson « The Today Voice

  6. Pingback: Week Thirty: Kathy Benson « The Today Voice

  7. Pingback: The Sound of Hope

  8. Pingback: Week Fifty: Kathy Benson | The Today Voice

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s