Week Twenty-eight: Amanda Kasper

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Write about your new year’s resolutions

 “Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past.

Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go”

~Brooks Atkinson

Twelve days ago, I rang in the New Year with both a longtime friend, and my mom. There was good food and amazing company and laughter bounded through the house. It was a refreshing thing to laugh, to hear laughter, to want to laugh.

2012 was the hardest year of my life. Somewhere around March my 2012 resolution turned into “survive”. That was my only goal for so long. And through time and space and life lessons and family and friends and resources and so much trial and error, somewhere around November I started living again. It was slow and subtle again, but I assure you, it was wildly different than merely being alive.

I’m not sure I believe in resolutions per se, because I don’t believe that anything I did last year, or any year for that matter was wrong. But I believe in setting and reaching for new goals, and I think New Years Day is as good a time as any to wipe the slate clean. My goals for 2013 are subtle and simple and in ways, they are goals I am already working towards or have plans to begin. They are things that will extend my mind and heart and soul in new ways, while trying desperately not to put any additional pressure on my stress levels or my body.

For the first time publicly, here are my 2013 goals:

  1. After defending my thesis, I dream of landing not my perfect job, but one that allows me to continue growing, learning and helping others.
  2. Define my beliefs. Find peace with my relationship with a higher power, with my religion, with spirituality, with myself.
  3. Create a community – one warm with open arms. Look to my mentors in the blogging arena, the health community – go bigger. Think about those who have made me feel warm and comfortable, and use that to create a space where others facing invisible or unlabeled or multiple health challenges.
  4. Write. Write my heart out. Journal, research, blog, write another book, purse publication of the memoir I finished this summer. Trust my voice – I know it’s there, its strong, it’s well intentioned.
  5. Come hell or high water – move on. Let go. [There are a string of events listed here that I have held onto for quite some time, things that I need to separate out the memories and leave the pain and fear behind me.]

I am trying desperately to believe that 2013 is a year for dreaming. Hope terrifies me, and greatness is something to strive for, but anyone, and everyone can dream. There should be little things and big things and a million things in-between that you dream of.

Maybe it’s a necklace. Maybe it’s taking a zumba class. Maybe it’s applying to graduate school.

What are your goals for 2013?

________

Amanda Kasper is a writer, reader, quote lover, CASA advocate, and non-profit believer, seeking space as a lifelong learner, passionate lover, and irreplaceable friend. Amanda tweets at @AKasper513 and blogs over at “& this I believe”

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