Week Thirty-two: Amanda Kasper

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If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be?

 If you don’t have your health,

You don’t have anything at all.

I wish the answer to this question was harder for me. I wish it took me more than one half second to think about.

I’ve written about my health before. I’ve written that for three years on and off and for fifteen months straight now, I’ve been experiencing GI symptoms that mirror the Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD), on top of the other invisible illnesses I am challenged with. I have seen a plethora of doctors, undergone what feels like a million tests, am working with a team of specialists at Northwestern University (a teaching hospital), and yet, am still without an answer. If I could ask and answer any question, it would be:

“How can I best take care of my body (medication, therapies, treatments, regiments, etc.) in order to live in less pain, and regain control over my life?”

If anyone could answer this question, if anyone could enact an answer or help me to create one, my family and I would be forever grateful. Actually, that’s a significant understatement. I’m fairly certain I would name my first born after you. And give you a large reward sum of whatever it was you wanted, regardless of if I could afford it.

At age 26, I’ve learned how to be grateful for the small things, how to take advantage when my body has a good day, how to recoil when it doesn’t. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I could figure out what I’m doing wrong. Or what’s wrong with my body. But most importantly, I wish I could understand how to fix it – or if unfixable, how to make it better, how to live a life that’s more bearable.

 ________

Amanda Kasper is a writer, reader, quote lover, CASA advocate, and non-profit believer, seeking space as a lifelong learner, passionate lover, and irreplaceable friend. Amanda tweets at @AKasper513 and blogs over at “& this I believe”

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