Week Thirty-three: Bridget Scoville

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What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Come a little closer baby. I feel like lettin’ go. Of everything that stands between us, and love we used to know. I wanna touch you like a cleansing rain, and let it was all the hurt away. So come a little closer baby. I feel like lettin’ go. -Dierks Bentley song Come a Little Closer

The hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have done many things that are hard. I went to graduate school, juggled 3 jobs in the summer, ran a marathon, moved around the country, and at times struggled financially. I think of all my life having to say goodbye to the people I’ve loved has been the hardest. In fact, I think it’s more so that I never had the opportunity to say goodbye that is the worst.

Going to his funeral to say goodbye was the hardest thing I have done. He and I dated for a while in highschool then continued to date long distance when I moved 300 miles away to go to college. We talked on the phone every night, and spent every break together. He was the first man to whom I said ‘I love you’ and meant it. After 3.5 years of a distance relationship, we called it quits. He and I were in different places in our lives. He wanted to stay close to family, and I had other grandiose plans. We never left on bad terms, but it was hard to say goodbye. We both started seeing other people, but would sometimes awkwardly say hello when we ran into each other in my hometown. He was engaged last fall to a wonderful woman who complimented him perfectly. I was so happy for him. Tragically, a little over a month ago on New Year’s Day, I got the news that he and his fiance’s bodies were found in a burned car. His funeral was the next week, and I made the trip back for his funeral to pay my respects. Seeing his family, with whom I spent every holiday with, broke my heart. I don’t cry often, but as soon as I saw his mom, I cried uncontrollably. I hugged his mom, dad, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents tightly, and let them know I loved them. It’s still tough to think that he’s no longer around. We were both country music fans, so while we were dating we had “our song” by Dierks Bentley. I think “our song” will always tug on my heart strings and bring tears to my eyes. I have good memories of our time together, and the hurt will ease with time. In the words of Dierks Bentley, “The sun’s gonna rise, on a better day.”

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Bridget Scoville is a pharmacist with a scholarly interest in the kidneys. She is completing a post-graduate research fellowship at the University of Michigan Ann Arbor. When she’s not working on research, Bridget can be found running, swapping stories over coffee, laughing with friends during dinner, or youth mentoring through Big Brothers Big Sisters.

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