Week Thirty-four: Brian B. Baker

BBaker
 At what age did you become an adult?

I think this could be taken a few ways, could go with when I turned, or when I stopped thinking of myself and started thinking of others.

The year I stopped thinking about what was important to me and started thinking about those around me was the year my son turned two. To give a bit of reference, my son’s birthday comes a week and a half after mine.

There was something I wanted to get for my birthday, but my son needed something and my wife fought me over what it was, I don’t even remember what the item was. But, it was after she won the argument that I had an epiphany. I was thirty, and I never thought I’d make it to that age, not sure why. That was about the time I really started reading about Buddhism.

I’d called myself Buddhist for ten years, but I never learned about it the way I should. It was more to associate with something. I stopped believing in a higher being years before that, and being Buddhist and the things about Buddhism that I liked. Caring about people regardless of their political affiliation was something I liked, especially growing up in Utah as non-Mormon.

When my daughter was born in 2009 I knew that things would be different from then on. She was in the NICU for the first month of her life, I didn’t see her in there as much as I’d liked since I was working full time and trying to keep everything at home okay for my son who didn’t understand why his sister wasn’t home.

My daughter’s birth was one of those moments in my life when I looked into my heart and found what I knew I could be for her and for my son.

Both of them are my entire world right now, my son has ADHD and it’s sometimes hard, but having him here with me makes life better. My daughter is a big daddy’s girl. We’ve always gone to the bookstore on my days off together, she gets her milk or juice, I get my coffee and sometimes we get books, but it’s more about spending time with her.

I’m less selfish with things because of them. There are things I want, but I usually don’t get them anymore because my kids needs are more important than my wants.

That time when my son was two and he needed something and realizing I wasn’t as important as him changed who I am and what’s more important to me, it will always be my kids.

I grew up when I was thirty because my kids needed a thirty-year-old adult more than a thirty-year-old kid.

____________________

Brian B. Baker is an unpublished writer of Science Fiction/Fantasy and Horror. He’s been writing short stories since high school, and is certain it’s one of the few things that keeps him sane. Brian blogs at  The Bleeding Inkwell.

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