Week Forty-six: Brian B. Baker

BBaker

Write about an insecurity you have or once had

In my life there’s only one thing I’ve been truly insecure about, the way I look. Growing up with a dad who is into fitness and bodybuilding didn’t help that.

I remember my dad calling me a wimp, telling me I just need to eat more, lift weights. And for the longest time in my life I believed I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t fit to his ideal of a son, more than a few ways.

At fourteen I was on Joe Weider Muscle Building powder and had constant stomach problems because of the large amounts of protein, he said I’d get over it, never did.

It wasn’t until I started training to become a personal trainer that I understood I wasn’t the problem and that guys can have image issues as much as women. My image issues were caused by my dad focusing on who I wasn’t rather that who I was, which ended up being a relationship breaker for us.

When my son was born and I thought about all the times he’d said things about how I looked, how I was in school–he called me stupid a few times–and whether I was worthy of being his son. I believe the shoe is on the other foot, he’s no longer worthy of being my dad.

All the times he said there was something wrong with who I am or was then led me to believe I wasn’t a good person, that there was something wrong with who I was. When I started on my path of Buddhism I discovered the true meaning of suffering and how to break the cycle of suffering through meditation.

Today I meditate to ease my suffering, his suffering those who’ve suffered at the hands of others through no fault of their own.

In the end your life is your own, but when you’re growing up your parents should not call you names and bully you into being a certain type of child. They should guide in a direction of being a good person regardless of what they think you should be.

____________________

Brian B. Baker is an unpublished writer of Science Fiction/Fantasy and Horror. He’s been writing short stories since high school, and is certain it’s one of the few things that keeps him sane. Brian blogs at  The Bleeding Inkwell.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s