Write about your favorite house
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Honestly, I think there’s magic in the houses we grew up in. My family moved into our house in April of 1991, just before my fifth birthday. Twenty-two years ago, nobody had the foresight to know where this was going. To know how it would feel. To know where we’d end up. How long we’d stay. How different we’d look upon leaving than we did when we arrived. I’ve had some amazing memories in this house. But I’ve also had some pretty harsh ones too. Out of truth, some days I ran from it. When I left for college, I avoided coming home for more than two weeks at a time, up until three months after graduation day. For me, during that time, it didn’t feel like the right space. It didn’t feel comfortable. It didn’t feel like mine. But those moments, those feelings – they’re pretty far in the past.
When I moved home this time, in December of 2011, it was because I wanted to. Because it was the place I would feel the most safe. Because the person who I trusted most, who could take care of me in the fullest, well, she was at home. She is my home. Coming home – it was different this time around. It is different. I think that’s a beautiful thing. I think that I’m lucky. I know that not everyone can go home again. That home is what we create. That often, it’s what we want. What we look for. That in the last twenty-two years, I’ve found home and safe and love and comfort in a lot of different places – not all of which I’ve even had keys to. I think we make our home. Especially when it’s where we spend ALL of our time. When it’s where we’re sick, where we’re drowning, where we feel no reprieve from the demons within and without our bodies, our families, our lives. Home has to be safe. Home has to be comfortable. Home has to contain some magic. Or maybe the magic is what we make it out to be.
Amanda Kasper is a writer, reader, quote lover, CASA advocate, and non-profit believer, seeking space as a lifelong learner, passionate lover, and irreplaceable friend. Amanda tweets at @AKasper513 and blogs over at “& this I believe”